TYLER

Dear Jerrod,

I watched your show because it popped up when I was trying to find House Hunters... I feel like we've crossed paths like Grindr "friends" in Social Media so I kinda know what's been going on but I'm not 100% in the know. I loved your original show from the first episode, comedy gold. So when you popped up on my homepage, I clicked WATCH NOW without hesitation. "i fell in love with my best friend..."

That is how you decided to start this episode out. As I am sitting here watching with the best friend who... I assume knows and doesn't ask. And I can't turn it off... because if I do then I draw attention to it and I'm having conversations that I don't want to have. Mostly because I only came to this realization of how much it's affected me ... not too long ago and I've been actively trying to press the undo button since that realization. However, something happened... you had a moment in the episode when you confronted it... and I saw what you were met with and I saw my face in your face. I felt every dream and hope drain from our bodies as he opened the door to that balcony and continued to talk to every other person except for you. I felt the questions that you know would never get answered and I felt the "this is who I've been in love with this entire time?"

Of course I'm projecting... I will truly never know if our thoughts were the same but I know that my face empathized with yours and if you were feeling anywhere close to what I was feeling ... I'm sorry that we could not get what we wanted. I don’t know 🧐 how the rest of this played out but what I can say is that today... I realized that I may genuinely be over it. And I may only be over it for today... but in a time when I want to make everyday count, since I made all the other days where I felt discounted, crushed, tossed aside, not good enough, an afterthought or a caricature... and those days counted, then these do too! So I say thank you for finding me at the perfect moment to help me realize something I needed to face for a very long time. It may not be the end of the story but I'll take the close of a chapter for now. I don’t know if you will read this... but I want to dedicate a song to you...

And to My Tyler... I leave you my Finding Me DVD 📀. Though I'm sure it'll be outdated by then it was the first movie that helped me figure out all these feelings I had. Maybe you'll watch it, maybe you won't. If you don't... just know how I much I loved it so keep it some place safe. If you do watch, cherish it, keep it, don't judge it, watch it and just enjoy it for what it is ... also knowing, that it takes place in Jersey. And yes I know probably South Jersey but that's not the point 😂 Thank you for finding me in Freshman Seminar, in Ash's friend group, in Philly, in Miami and in myself. I'll love you forever... even if it's gonna look a little different now 🩵 🐺