ROUGH

THE ROUGH DRAFT OF A MODERN RENAISSANCE BLACK MAN:

I'M REALLY IN A LEARNING SEASON RIGHT NOW, Y’ALL—THIS IS WILD. I DID A CARD READING WITH KOREN A FEW MONTHS AGO, AND WE TALKED ABOUT HOW THE SECOND HALF OF THE YEAR WOULD HIT DIFFERENT AND CHANGE HOW I WAS LIVING. LOOKING BACK, I CAN SAY 2024 IS DEFINITELY ENDING IN A WAY IT DIDN’T START. BUT INSTEAD OF REGRET OR NEGATIVITY, I’M CHOOSING TO MOVE BEYOND JUST BEING POSITIVE—I'M CHOOSING GRATITUDE.

TODAY, I THANKED MY MOM FOR BEING THE KIND OF PARENT SHE WAS BECAUSE THE THINGS I EXPERIENCED AT HER AGE ARE NOW HELPING ME THROUGH LIFE. THESE ARE LESSONS THE WORLD OR SCHOOL COULDN'T TEACH, AND HONESTLY, SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE I’VE GOT A CHEAT CODE COMPARED TO OTHERS. I FEEL LUCKY—ALMOST UNFAIRLY SO, SOMETIMES.

THIS PAST WEEKEND, MY MOM AND I WENT THROUGH SOMETHING THAT HAD ME REALLY UPSET. BUT WE WORKED THROUGH IT, THE WAY WE KNOW HOW, AND SLOWLY MOVED FORWARD. WHAT I'M REALIZING, DAY BY DAY, IS THAT I'M FINDING MY VOICE. BY BEING HONEST AND OWNING THE PARTS OF ME I WAS SCARED TO SHOW, IT HELPS HER (AND OTHERS) SEE WHERE MY HEAD'S AT. I HOPE THAT AS I SHARE, IT'S REMEMBERED, AND WE CAN AVOID REPEATING THE SAME STUFF AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

I ALSO REACHED OUT TO MY NEPHEW TO LET HIM KNOW I RELATE TO HIM AS BEST AS I CAN—BEING A 17-YEAR-OLD BLACK KID FROM DELAWARE, STEPPING INTO THE WORLD. THAT FEELING OF HAVING NO OPTIONS BUT ALSO ALL THE OPTIONS AT THE SAME TIME? I GET IT. I TOLD HIM I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE BEST UNCLE I COULD BE, AND HE HAS SOMEONE TO TALK TO WHENEVER HE’S READY.

THIS WEEK, I FOUND OUT THAT SHANIKA AND I HAVE ANOTHER PERSON IN COMMON FROM WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER. I CALLED MY POPS TO GET MORE INFO, AND WE JUST REMINISCED ABOUT HOW SHANIKA AND I SOMEHOW CIRCLED AROUND EACH OTHER MOST OF OUR CHILDHOOD WITHOUT ACTUALLY CROSSING PATHS. LIKE, IF MY LIFE HAD TAKEN ME TOWARD RUNNING TRACK INSTEAD OF FOOTBALL, MAYBE WE WOULD'VE BEEN FRIENDS WAY EARLIER.

THEN, THE NEXT DAY, I SAW A COMEDY SHOW BY SOMEONE TONI LIKES, SO I TEXTED MY POPS TO LET HIM KNOW IN CASE THEY WANTED TO CHECK IT OUT. ALL THIS IS HAPPENING WHILE I’M PLANNING A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY WEEKEND FOR MY MOM, HELPING WITH SURPRISE DINNERS FOR MY DAD, AND HANDLING A BUNCH OF OTHER FAMILY THINGS. AND WHILE I’M WORKING THROUGH SOME TOUGH STUFF WITH FRIENDS, I’M CHOOSING TO FOCUS ON HOW MUCH FAMILY CONNECTION I’M EMBRACING RIGHT NOW.

EVEN AS MY CIRCLE FEELS LIKE IT'S GETTING SMALLER, I’M REMINDED THAT THERE ARE STILL PLENTY OF PEOPLE AROUND. IF I EVER WANT TO EXPAND IT, I CAN. I’M LEARNING THAT LOCKING TOO MANY DOORS CAN LEAD TO STALE AIR. PROCRASTINATION JUST BRINGS BACK REMINDERS OF WHAT STILL NEEDS TO BE DONE. AND YOU CAN STICK TO ANY PLAN, AS LONG AS IT TRULY MAKES SENSE FOR YOUR LIFE. SO, I’M TRUSTING THAT THERE’S A PROCESS SOMEWHERE IN ALL OF THIS.

WITH EVERY RESTART, NEW NAME, REFRESH, NEW LOOK, NEW CHAPTER, OR NEW IDEA, IT’S ALL JUST ADDING TO THE BIGGER PICTURE—AS LONG AS I FIND A CREATIVE WAY TO GET THROUGH IT. WE’LL SEE HOW FAR THIS GOES, BUT FOR NOW, I’M ROLLING WITH... THE ROUGH DRAFT OF A MODERN RENAISSANCE BLACK MAN.