GRAY

I FEEL LIKE I’M BEING PREPARED FOR MY SMALL, INTIMATE WEDDING. I WAS CHATTING WITH MY MOM RECENTLY, AND SHE GAVE ME THE SAME ADVICE THAT SHANIKA DID, AND THEN MY DAD JUMPED ON BOARD TOO. IT MADE ME REALIZE I MIGHT BE PART OF THE MINDSET CAUSING DRAMA, SO I NEED TO STEP BACK, RETHINK THINGS, AND REBUILD WITH A BETTER APPROACH.

I’M THE ONLY ONE FEELING THESE SPECIFIC EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW (TRUST ME, I’VE TRIED NOT TO), SO TO PRESERVE WHAT MATTERS, I’VE STARTED PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT’S TRULY IMPORTANT TO ME. OF COURSE, THIS PROCESS IS ALSO BRINGING UP THINGS THAT USUALLY DON'T MATTER. I TEND TO SEE THINGS AS ALL OR NOTHING, SO WHEN PAST EXPERIENCES RESURFACE, I OFTEN LUMP THEM ALL INTO SOMETHING NEGATIVE, PUSHING ME TO RUN AWAY. BUT I’M LEARNING TO SET GOOD BOUNDARIES—NOT JUST TO KEEP PEOPLE OUT BUT TO LET THE RIGHT ONES IN. I NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT’S WORTH LETTING GO BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE.

I ALWAYS TELL MY CLIENTS WITH RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES: "DO YOU WANT THIS TO BREAK YOU UP?" IF THE ANSWER IS NO, YOU WORK THROUGH IT. THAT’S WHERE I’M AT. I’LL ADDRESS THE ISSUES AND FEELINGS WHEN THE TIME’S RIGHT, BUT I KNOW WHAT QUESTIONS I NEED TO ASK TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM UNNECESSARY HURT. IF THAT MEANS MISSING OUT ON THINGS TO PRESERVE MY PEACE AND SANITY, I’LL TAKE THAT AS A WIN BECAUSE I’M FOCUSED ON MAINTAINING THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO ARE TRULY IMPORTANT TO ME.

IN 2023 AND 2024, I’VE CUT TIES WITH PEOPLE WHO WEREN’T GOOD FOR ME—EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE GREAT PEOPLE IN THEIR OWN WAY. BUT FOR THE LIFE I WANT, BOTH TODAY AND IN THE FUTURE, I HAD TO LET THEM GO. I’VE LEARNED TO TRUST THAT THE PEOPLE WHO STICK AROUND ARE THE ONES I CHOOSE TO KEEP CLOSE, SOME EVEN CLOSER THAN FAMILY. I HOPE I CONTINUE TO HAVE PATIENCE WITH MYSELF, AND I HOPE THE UNIVERSE IS KIND AS I LEARN TO LIVE IN THE GRAY AREAS. MY GOAL IS TO SIFT THROUGH THESE MOMENTS AND COME OUT STRONGER ON THE OTHER SIDE, KNOWING I DID WHAT WAS BEST FOR ME.

SOMETIMES, IT’S NOT ABOUT BEING ON THE SAME PAGE AS SOMEONE ELSE; IT’S ABOUT DOING WHAT’S RIGHT FOR YOU. GETTING CAUGHT UP IN TRYING TO ALIGN WITH EVERYONE ELSE JUST ADDS TO THE STORM OF ANXIETY. SO, IF YOU’VE READ THIS FAR, I HOPE THIS GIVES YOU SOME PEACE OF MIND THAT IT’S OKAY IF IT TAKES YOU 34 YEARS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO NAVIGATE LIFE. WHEN THINGS START CLICKING, IT CHANGES YOUR WHOLE PERSPECTIVE. I’M LEARNING TO BE MORE OPEN, LETTING PEOPLE IN ON WHO I AM AND HOW I AM SO THINGS DON’T SEEM SO GUARDED.

HERE’S TO PUTTING MORE VULNERABILITY OUT INTO THE WORLD AND HOPING IT COMES BACK IN THE FORM OF A HEALED, SINGLE, EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE SPANISH MAN WITH NO KIDS (BUT THERE’S MORE TO THAT LIST FOR ANOTHER TIME). THANKS FOR READING, AND HAPPY DECISION-MAKING, FOLKS!

P.S. THE GIFT OF THE DAY... THIS PIECE OF ADVICE, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF...

IT'S PRICELESS