DEATH

AS I REFLECTED ON MY LAST POST, I REALIZED I’M READY TO CHANGE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH DEATH, OR AT LEAST WHAT IT’S COME TO MEAN TO ME. THANK YOU, AGATHA! TONIGHT, I ALSO HAD A CONVERSATION WITH MY CLIENTS THAT SPARKED A DEEPER REFLECTION: WHAT CAN WE TAKE AWAY FROM DEATH—WHETHER IT’S THE LITERAL END OF LIFE OR THE END OF A RELATIONSHIP, A JOB, A HOBBY, EVEN SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE A PLANT, A CAR, OR A BELOVED OLD PAIR OF JEANS. NO MATTER WHAT, LOSS ALWAYS LEAVES US WITH QUESTIONS, EVEN IF WE FIND CLOSURE. AND YET, EACH LOSS ASKS US TO FIND SOMETHING POSITIVE, TO FOCUS ON WHAT’S STILL THERE—OUR BANK ACCOUNTS, OUR GAS TANKS, OUR WALLETS—BECAUSE WE NEED THAT TO KEEP GOING.

I’M LEARNING, DAY BY DAY, THAT INSTEAD OF FEARING THE LESSONS LOSS MIGHT BRING, I CAN TRUST THAT I’LL LEARN WHAT I NEED TO. IT’S ALL PART OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE. DURING ANOTHER SESSION, MY CLIENT SPOKE ABOUT MISSING A COUSIN WHO LEFT HIM WITH AN IRREPLACEABLE VOID, AND WE PEELED APART HOW HE MIGHT EMBRACE THE LESSONS HIS COUSIN TAUGHT HIM. THROUGH THIS CONVERSATION, I REALIZED I SOMETIMES PUT UP WALLS TO AVOID LEARNING LESSONS, THINKING THAT MAYBE IF I SULKED LONG ENOUGH, THINGS WOULD GO MY WAY. BUT IT’S TIME TO LET THAT GO. IT’S A MENTALITY THAT NEEDS TO LEAVE ALONG WITH THE BEHAVIOR 😂.

AND NOW, AS THE PLANT DADDY THAT I AM, I’VE NOTICED THAT EVERY TIME I LOSE SOMETHING IN MY LIFE, I BUY A NEW PLANT. WATCHING THEM GROW HAS TAUGHT ME HOW QUICKLY LIFE CAN RETURN, SOMETIMES EVEN SPROUTING IN UNEXPECTED WAYS. THESE PLANTS REMIND ME, “YOU CAN CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON WHAT’S FALLING OR WHAT’S GROWING.” I’M NOT WATERING THEM EVERY FEW DAYS TO DWELL ON DECAY; I’M DOING IT WITH HOPE THEY’LL KEEP SPROUTING, UNDERSTANDING THAT SOMETIMES THINGS FALL AWAY TO REINVEST IN WHAT’S STILL ALIVE. THROUGH THIS, I’M LEARNING TO FOCUS ON SELF-CARE, TACKLING CHALLENGES HEAD-ON AND SEEING SETBACKS AS PART OF THE JOURNEY, NOT DERAILMENTS.

I’M ALSO REALIZING HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE PEOPLE WHO WATER, TALK TO, AND NURTURE ME (AND YES, MY MOM NOW KNOWS HOW MUCH I DISLIKE KARAOKE 😂 LOVE YOU, MOM!). KNOWING THAT LOSS IS INEVITABLE, I’M SETTING AN INTENTION TO MOURN LESS, PRAISE MORE, AND SHOW GRATITUDE. NOT ONLY DOES IT KEEP ME GROUNDED, BUT MAYBE IT’LL ALSO HELP OTHERS IN THEIR OWN GARDENS. THIS ISN’T A BLOG ABOUT DEATH NOTES, BUT ABOUT LIFE LESSONS.

I’VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME WORRYING ABOUT BEING REMEMBERED OR PROVING MY LOVE TO OTHERS—THINKING I NEEDED A WILL TO ENSURE PEOPLE KNEW I CARED. BUT TRUTHFULLY, THOSE WHO NEED TO KNOW ALREADY DO, AND IF I EVER NEED REASSURANCE, I KNOW WHERE TO FIND THEM. I USED TO THINK I HAD TO SHOW UP PERFECTLY, WITH FULLY FORMED THOUGHTS, OR I’D LET PEOPLE DOWN. DEATH TO THAT IDEA! I’M LETTING GO OF WHAT HELD ME BACK FROM GIVING BLESSINGS, NOT JUST POSSESSIONS, TO THE WORLD.

LASTLY, AS I TALKED WITH SHANIKA, I REALIZED THAT I MISS PEOPLE I’VE DISTANCED MYSELF FROM EVERY DAY, BUT BRINGING THEM BACK ISN’T WHAT I WANT. IT’S GIVEN NEW MEANING TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES...

“ALL THOSE WHO WANDER ARE NOT LOST.”